"My child is so smart but just doesn't try..."
It’s Not Laziness—It’s Something Else
You’ve seen it: your child is incredibly bright, full of potential, and yet… they won’t try. It’s confusing and frustrating. You might find yourself wondering, Why won’t they just put in the effort?
Here’s the thing—it’s probably not about effort at all. It might be about something happening under the surface: executive functions.
Why "Just Doesn’t Try" Misses the Mark
When kids avoid effort, it’s often because they’re stuck, not lazy. Think of it like this: Imagine standing at the bottom of a huge mountain. You know you need to climb it, but you have no map, no gear, and no idea where to begin. Wouldn’t you feel overwhelmed too?
For many kids, tasks like homework or chores feel just like that mountain. They aren’t avoiding effort—they’re struggling with the brain skills needed to even start.
What’s Really Happening: Executive Functions
Executive functions are like the brain’s “control center”—helping us start, organize, and finish tasks. When these skills are underdeveloped, even small things can feel impossible. Let’s look at a few ways executive functions might be holding your child back:
Task Initiation: Getting Started Is the Hardest Part
This is the ability to start a task without procrastinating. Kids who struggle with task initiation might stare at their homework or avoid it altogether. Not because they don’t care, but because they don’t know how to take that first step.
Think of it like this: It’s like standing at the base of a mountain with no map, unsure where the trail begins. Starting feels overwhelming, so they avoid it.
What You Can Do: Break tasks into smaller, clear steps. Instead of saying, “Do your homework,” say, “Let’s start by writing the first sentence together.” Small wins build momentum.
Working Memory: Holding on to the Plan
Working memory is like a mental sticky note that holds information while we use it. If this skill isn’t strong, your child might forget what they were supposed to do next, even if it was explained a minute ago.
Think of it like this: Imagine trying to juggle while someone keeps adding more balls. It’s overwhelming, and things start to drop.
What You Can Do: Write things down for them. Checklists, sticky notes, or visual reminders can take the pressure off their memory and keep them focused.
Goal-Directed Persistence: Staying Focused to the Finish Line
Even when they get started, some kids struggle to stick with a task long enough to finish. Distractions, frustration, or boredom can easily pull them away.
Think of it like this: It’s like trying to carry a candle through a windy path. Without the right tools, the flame goes out before they reach the end.
What You Can Do: Help them set mini-goals along the way. For example, say, “Let’s finish this one section, and then you can take a break.”
How You Can Help: Quick Strategies
You’re not powerless in this. Here are a few simple ways to help your child move forward:
- Chunk Tasks: Break assignments or chores into smaller, bite-sized pieces. Starting small makes big tasks feel manageable.
- Create Visuals: Use charts, timers, or checklists to make expectations clear. A simple “To-Do” list can work wonders.
- Focus on Effort: Celebrate the process, not just the result. For example, say, “Great job getting started right away today,” instead of only focusing on whether they finish perfectly.
- Build Routines: Set up consistent times and spaces for work. A familiar routine can take away some of the stress of starting.
What Success Can Look Like
Take Sarah, for example. She’s a smart 11-year-old who could ace her science tests—but she wouldn’t start studying until the night before. Her parents used to think she was just being lazy.
Once they realized Sarah struggled with task initiation, they tried a new approach. Together, they broke her study time into smaller steps: reviewing notes on Day 1, practicing questions on Day 2, and so on. They also used a timer to help her start. Within weeks, Sarah was finishing her work earlier—and her confidence soared.
The Hopeful Truth: It’s Not Laziness
Your child isn’t “just not trying.” They’re likely facing challenges with skills they haven’t developed yet. And here’s the good news: these skills can be learned. With patience, support, and the right strategies, your child can unlock their potential.
Next Steps: Coaching Can Help
If these strategies help, that’s amazing! But if you feel stuck or unsure how to move forward, there’s support available.
Executive function coaching helps kids build skills like task initiation, focus, and persistence. With the right tools, your child can move from feeling stuck to thriving.
Curious how coaching works? Reach out for a free discovery call today.
