Building Executive Function Skills in Early Childhood

Every parent marvels at how much their child learns and grows in the early years. From toddler to elementary school, children are not only picking up ABCs and 123s – they’re also developing crucial brain skills called executive functions. These skills include things like self-control, working memory, and flexible thinking. Think of executive function as the “air traffic control” of the brain, managing the flow of information and impulses so a child can pay attention, remember instructions, and juggle tasks​. Early childhood (roughly ages 2-8) is a critical window for building these abilities. Strong executive function in early years sets the stage for better academic performance, social skills, and independence later on​.

This article is for parents and caregivers who want to understand the importance of early executive function development and how to nurture it through everyday activities. We’ll cover the key executive function skills in young children, typical developmental milestones, and practical strategies you can use at home (often through play) to help your little one grow these skills. The good news is that many play-based activities and simple parenting techniques naturally support executive functions – it’s often fun for the child and parent alike! By being intentional about it, you can give your child a strong foundation that will benefit them in school and beyond.

Why Early Childhood Executive Function Development Matters

Studies have shown that children with strong executive function skills tend to do better in school and have better social relationships. For example, kids who can wait their turn (showing impulse control) and follow multi-step instructions (using working memory and planning) often adapt more easily to classroom routines. In fact, executive functions are considered a better predictor of school readiness and early academic success than even IQ in some research​. They help children sit and listen to a story, keep track of where they are in an activity, and try different approaches if their first attempt doesn’t work.

On the other hand, children who struggle with executive function might be equally bright, but they may have trouble keeping their behavior in check or staying on task. A preschooler with weak impulse control might grab toys impulsively or have frequent meltdowns when asked to wait. A kindergartener with weak working memory might forget instructions like “Put your folder in your cubby and then sit on the rug.” These challenges can make the school day harder and might lead to frustration for the child and caregivers.

The early years are prime time for growth because the brain’s frontal lobe, which handles much of executive function, is rapidly developing. This is the best time to gently exercise these mental “muscles”. It’s similar to how young children easily absorb language – they can also readily pick up habits of thinking that underpin self-regulation and problem-solving. Importantly, executive function skills emerge through practice and experiences​. Kids aren’t born with these skills fully formed (anyone who’s seen a two-year-old throw a tantrum knows self-control is learned!). But they are born with the potential to develop them. It’s our role as parents and educators to provide the supportive environment and practice opportunities for that development to happen.

Moreover, building executive function isn’t just about immediate behavior – it’s about long-term well-being. These skills correlate with outcomes in adulthood, including higher education attainment, better health, and even job success​. One famous study (the “marshmallow test”) suggested that children who could delay gratification (wait for a second treat rather than eating one immediately) had better life outcomes years down the line – a testament to the power of early self-control. While that study has nuances, the core idea holds: learning self-regulation early can have lasting benefits.

In short, investing time and effort in nurturing your young child’s executive function is as important as teaching them their letters and numbers. It’s part of the toolkit that will help them apply all the academic skills they learn. Next, we’ll look at what executive function skills look like at different ages and some milestones to be aware of.

Executive Function Skills and Milestones in Young Children

Executive function is a broad term, but in early childhood, we often focus on three core areas: working memory, inhibitory control, and cognitive flexibility (also called flexible thinking). Let’s break those down and see how they appear as a child grows:

• Working Memory: This is the ability to hold and manipulate information in mind for short periods. For a young child, this might mean remembering a two-step instruction like “Please pick up your toys and then come to the kitchen.” It could also be remembering the rules of a simple game while playing it. As children get older, working memory helps them do things like mental math or follow the plot of a story.

  • Milestones: A 2-3-year-old can usually handle one simple instruction at a time. By 4 years old, many kids can follow two-step directions fairly well (“hang up your coat and then wash your hands”). In the early elementary years (6-7 years), kids can remember and execute a sequence of three tasks, especially if they practice. You’ll also see working memory in pretend play – a 5-year-old might say “I’m the shop owner and you’re the customer,” and they keep track of those roles and what each person is supposed to do.

• Inhibitory Control (Self-Control): This is the ability to control impulses, resist temptation, and pause before acting. For toddlers, this skill is just beginning – hence the infamous tantrums and grabbing behaviors. Inhibitory control enables a child to wait their turn in a game, refrain from hitting when angry, or resist shouting out answers in class. It also includes attention control – the ability to ignore distractions and stay on task.

  • Milestones: A 2-year-old has very limited self-control (seconds at best – if you put a treat in front of them and say “don’t touch,” it’s very tough!). By 3-4 years old, children start to develop strategies to wait, like singing to themselves or looking away (though they still find it hard). You’ll notice many 4-year-olds can manage to take turns in a game like Candy Land with adult support. By 5-6 years, kids are much better at following rules in games (like “Simon Says” or “Red Light, Green Light”) – these classic games are basically tests of inhibitory control, and at this age they become fun rather than frustrating​. In a classroom setting, a 6-year-old can generally raise their hand and wait to be called on instead of blurting out (not always, but it’s improving!). Self-control continues to grow through middle childhood and even into adolescence, but those early years lay the groundwork.

• Cognitive Flexibility: This is the ability to switch gears and adapt to new rules or demands. It’s also related to creativity and thinking about things in multiple ways. For a young child, cognitive flexibility might show up as being able to adjust when a game’s rules change, or find a different way to solve a simple problem (e.g., if a puzzle piece doesn’t fit one way, try another way). It also helps with transitioning between activities without too much fuss.

  • Milestones: Young toddlers (2-3 years) are not very flexible – they thrive on routine and can get upset at changes (“I wanted the blue cup, not the red cup!” meltdown). By 4 years old, many children start engaging in imaginative play that involves shifting scenarios (“Now let’s pretend the floor is lava!”) – this play actually practices cognitive flexibility. They also start to handle simple transitions better, especially if warned (“in 5 minutes we will clean up and go inside”). By 5-6 years, kids can usually play games like card matching where rules might change (for example, sorting by color then switching to sort by shape). They can also perspective-take a bit better (understanding that others may think differently), which is a social aspect of cognitive flexibility. Keep in mind, flexibility will often be the last of the three core skills to really mature; even older kids and teens work on adapting to change, but the early seeds are sown in preschool.

Besides these core areas, early childhood is when kids start developing planning (like figuring out how to build a fort and gathering materials) and organization (like sorting toys, albeit haphazardly at first). However, those skills become more visible in later childhood. For little ones, it’s mostly about self-control, memory, and flexible play.

Table: Executive Function Skill Development Milestones (Approximate)

Note: Individual development varies. Some children may reach certain milestones earlier or later. If a child is significantly behind in many of these areas, it may be worth consulting with a pediatrician or specialist to see if there’s an underlying issue (like ADHD or a learning difference) affecting their executive function development. But remember, all children have spurts and delays – these are just general guides.

Looking at these milestones, you can see the progression: a young child moves from very basic skills (1-step memory, minimal control) to much more advanced abilities by the end of early childhood (managing multi-step tasks, controlling impulses most of the time, adapting to change). How do we as parents support this growth? Let’s dive into some practical strategies and activities.

Practical Activities and Strategies for Parents to Support Executive Function

1. Play Games That Require Taking Turns and Following Rules: Games are a fantastic (and fun) way to build executive function. For toddlers, start with simple turn-taking games like rolling a ball back and forth, or taking turns placing blocks on a tower. As kids get a bit older (3-5 years), try games like Simon Says, Red Light, Green Light, Duck Duck Goose, or simple board games like Candy Land or Memory matching cards. These games inherently practice inhibitory control (not moving on red light, only doing the action when “Simon says”), working memory (remembering the rules or where the matching card is), and cognitive flexibility (switching roles in Duck Duck Goose, or adjusting strategy in a matching game). Keep the mood light and fun; if the child is too frustrated, simplify the rules or play cooperatively (you can team up to “beat the game” together). Even games like “I Spy” (working memory and attention) or “Twenty Questions” (flexible thinking and memory) can be great for early elementary kids. Aim to gradually increase the challenge as your child grows – for example, a game like Uno can be introduced around 5-6 years, which adds color/number matching (working memory) and strategic holding of cards (planning). The key is consistent practice in a playful context.

2. Encourage Pretend Play and Role-Playing: Imaginative play is more than just cute – it’s a workout for the brain. When children engage in pretend play, they plan scenarios (“You be the doctor, I’ll be the patient”), remember their roles and the evolving story (working memory), inhibit acting out of character (inhibitory control), and adjust to each other’s ideas (flexibility). You can encourage this by providing props (doesn’t have to be fancy – a blanket becomes a cape, a box becomes a spaceship) and sometimes joining in to model. For example, play restaurant: let your child be the chef or waiter, and you be the customer. They have to take your order (working memory to recall it), maybe write it on a pad (combining motor skills and memory), and serve you the “food” – plus handle it if you ask for something that’s not on the menu (flexibility!). Dress-up costumes, puppet shows, or acting out favorite storybooks are other ways to get them into role-play. Also, rotate toys and props occasionally to spark new storylines (one week you bring out the toy dinosaurs, another week it’s the tea party set). This keeps their imagination expanding and forces them to adapt to new themes.

3. Read Stories and Ask Questions: Story time is not just for language development – it’s great for executive function too. When you read with your child, pause occasionally to ask questions like “What do you think will happen next?” (this encourages planning and prediction), or “Why did the character do that?” (promotes perspective-taking and flexible thinking). For younger kids, you might ask them to recall what just happened (“Do you remember where Little Red Riding Hood was going?”) which uses working memory. You can also play simple sequencing games after a story: “Can you tell me what happened first, next, last?” – maybe even draw it out. Additionally, discussing emotions of characters (“How do you think he felt when he lost his toy?”) helps children learn to regulate their own emotions by recognizing them in others (linking to emotional regulation part of executive function). Another idea is to occasionally read or tell familiar stories and make “silly mistakes” or changes, and see if your child catches them – for example, “Goldilocks tried the big bear’s porridge and it was too cold” (if they know the story well, they might giggle and correct you, which shows attention and memory). This also shows them that things can be different (flexibility). Tailor your questions to your child’s age – simpler for toddlers (“What’s that?” while pointing at a picture) and more complex for older kids (“What would you do in that situation?”).

4. Create Routines and Visual Schedules: Children thrive on structure, and routines are practical ways to support executive function. A consistent daily routine (for meals, play, bath, bedtime, etc.) helps children learn planning and time management in an age-appropriate way. When they know “after dinner we always do cleanup, then we have story time,” they start to internalize that sequence. For kids 3 and up, consider using a visual schedule – a chart with pictures (and words for those learning to read) showing the sequence of the day or a particular routine. For example, a morning routine chart might have images for: get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth, pack backpack. Kids can check each off as they do it. This external structure actually trains their self-monitoring and planning skills – eventually they do it on their own. It also uses working memory (they recall what’s next by looking at the chart) and gives a sense of accomplishment and predictability that can reduce emotional meltdowns. Be sure to involve your child in creating the routine (“What do we do after we put on pajamas? Right, we brush our teeth!”) because talking through it helps cement the sequence in memory. As they get a bit older (early elementary), you can encourage them to plan aspects of their routine themselves (“What’s your plan for homework and playtime this afternoon?”), which gives practice in organization within a safe framework.

5. Play “Clean Up” and Sorting Games: Cleaning up toys might seem like just a chore, but it’s actually a good exercise in organization and flexible thinking. You can make cleanup a game by sorting toys into categories (by type, color, size). For instance, “Let’s pick up all the red toys first” (requires focusing on one attribute) or “Let’s put all the blocks in this bin and all the cars in that bin” (categorization). You can even time it (“How many toys can we tidy in 2 minutes?”) to add a fun challenge. Sorting laundry by owner or color, matching socks, setting the table (forks here, spoons there) – these household tasks build categorization and memory skills. Plus, you get a helper! Another game is “beat the timer”: use a visual timer and challenge your child to finish a small task (like putting on shoes or collecting all the Legos) before the timer goes off. It’s amazing how motivating a ticking clock can be, and it trains them to focus and persist on a task with a clear goal in sight. Just be careful to keep it positive – if timers stress your child out, don’t use them, or use a cooperative approach (“Let’s see if we can both finish cleaning before this song ends!”).

6. Encourage Activities that Require Memory: There are many playful ways to boost working memory. One classic is the game “Telephone” (also called whisper down the lane) where a message is passed along a line of people – but you can even do this with just you and your child by whispering a sentence and having them repeat it. For younger kids, use just a few words; for older, make it longer or sillier. Another idea: show a tray of a few objects (say, 5 items), let the child study it, then cover it and ask them to recall as many as possible. You can make it cooperative by taking turns (you recall too and see if together you can remember all). There’s also the shopping list game: “I went to the store and bought an apple.” The child repeats and adds an item: “I bought an apple and a cookie.” Keep adding items taking turns, and see how many you can remember in sequence. This can get goofy and fun. In daily life, you might ask your child to remember and remind you of something (“If you see the library books by the door, remind me to take them”) – kids love feeling useful, and it exercises memory. Music and songs are great too: singing songs with multiple verses or hand gestures (like “Itsy Bitsy Spider” or “Baby Shark” or for older ones “Heads, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes”) require remembering sequences. Movement can reinforce memory – you can do a pattern of claps/stomps and have them repeat it. All these little activities strengthen the memory muscle needed for following directions and learning.

7. Model and Praise Self-Control Strategies: Young kids learn a lot by watching adults. Model your own ways of handling frustration or waiting, because they are observing. For example, if you’re stuck in traffic (with your child in the car), you might say out loud, “Hmm, we’re going slow. I feel a little frustrated, but I’m going to take a deep breath and maybe we can play I Spy while we wait.” This shows them a positive coping strategy. When you see your child exhibiting self-control or flexibility, praise specifically: “I noticed you got upset when your tower fell, but you kept calm and tried again – that was great self-control!” or “You wanted to play longer, but you listened when I said it’s time to go, good job waiting.” This reinforces their use of executive function skills. If they didn’t manage well (like a meltdown happened), once calm, you can gently discuss and problem-solve for next time: “It was hard to leave the park. What can we do next time to make it easier? Maybe we can have a special ‘goodbye park’ routine or a fun race to the car.” Involving them in solutions builds their planning and self-monitoring. Also, teach simple techniques: for instance, “blow out the birthday candles” (deep breathing) to calm down, or counting to 5 when angry. These become internalized tools over time.

8. Provide Opportunities for Choice and Problem-Solving: Letting your child make age-appropriate choices helps develop decision-making and flexible thinking. For example, let a 3-year-old choose between two outfits, or a 5-year-old decide the order of their bedtime routine (“Do you want to put on PJs first or brush teeth first tonight?”). This not only gives them a sense of control (reducing power struggles), but also makes them consider options and plan a bit. When a minor problem arises, resist the urge to jump in immediately with the fix – instead, guide them to solve it. If a toy isn’t working as expected, ask “What else could we try?” or if two siblings are fighting over a toy, help them brainstorm a compromise (“How can we take turns or use it together?”). Initially, they might need you to suggest ideas, but gradually let them generate ideas. It’s okay if their solutions are imperfect; the process of thinking it through is the important part. If something spills, involve them in cleaning it (planning steps: get towel, wipe, put wet towel in laundry). If they forget their homework, discuss how to remember next time (maybe make a checklist). By treating everyday hiccups as learning moments, you instill problem-solving mindsets.

9. Ensure Plenty of Active Play and Rest: This might not sound directly related to executive function, but it absolutely is. Physical play – running, climbing, playing sports, even rough-and-tumble play – helps children learn to control their bodies and actions (inhibitory control) and often involves taking turns or following rules. Outdoor play also reduces stress and improves attention. On the flip side, children (like all of us) need adequate sleep and downtime for their brains to consolidate skills and regulate emotions​. A tired or overstimulated child will struggle with self-control and focus. So having a consistent nap (for younger ones) and bedtime routine, as well as some quiet time each day, is crucial. Think of it as giving their brain time to recharge and process everything. Nutrition matters too – regular healthy meals keep blood sugar stable, which can affect behavior (we all know about the dreaded “sugar crash” or a “hangry” toddler). So a holistic approach – active body, rested mind, good food – sets the stage for the brain to develop its executive functions optimally.

By integrating these activities into your daily life, you’re effectively “coaching” your child in executive function without them even knowing it. It doesn’t require flashcards or apps (though some educational apps and games can be fine supplementally). Mostly, it’s about interactive play, guided practice, and supportive parenting. And remember, no child (or adult) has perfect executive function. All kids will have moments of forgetfulness, impulsivity, or inflexibility – especially when tired, hungry, or overwhelmed. That’s normal. The goal isn’t to create a mini super-executive, it’s to help each child develop to the best of their ability, and to equip them with tools to manage themselves as they grow.

When to Seek Additional Support

While most children develop executive function skills gradually with age-appropriate challenges and support, some kids may lag significantly behind their peers in these areas. For instance, if by age 4–5, a child consistently cannot follow two-step instructions, or by early school age has extreme difficulty sitting for even short stories or taking turns in ways that impact their social life, it might be worth looking into. Conditions like ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) involve executive function impairments (especially with inhibition and working memory), and can be identified in early school years. Learning disabilities or autism spectrum disorders can also affect how executive functions manifest. If you have concerns, discuss them with your pediatrician; they may refer you to a child psychologist or neuropsychologist for an evaluation. Early intervention – whether it’s behavioral strategies, occupational therapy, or other services – can make a big difference in getting a child on track.

Also, some families opt for executive function coaching or parent coaching to get individualized strategies. For example, at New Frontiers, we offer Parent Coaching services that guide parents on how to support their child’s executive skills at home, and Executive Function Coaching for students for school-age kids who need help with organization, focus, or other skills as academics become more demanding.

But for the majority of young children, consistent, loving practice of the kind of activities we’ve outlined will do wonders. It’s often said that play is the work of childhood, and through play kids learn to plan, negotiate, remember, and control themselves bit by bit. By being an engaged play partner and guide for your child, you’re not only bonding and having fun, but also giving their brain an incredible gift.

FAQs: Early Childhood Executive Function

What are executive function skills in children, and at what age do they develop?

Executive function skills in children are the mental abilities that help them regulate their behavior, remember information, and flexibly solve problems. In simpler terms for kids: it’s skills like self-control (not grabbing that toy or being able to wait your turn), memory (remembering what you’re asked to do), and flexible thinking (adapting when rules or situations change). These skills start developing in infancy but become much more noticeable in toddlerhood and beyond. For instance, you might see the beginnings of self-control in a 2-year-old when they can sometimes wait a moment for a snack instead of screaming (though tantrums are still normal at 2). From around 3 to 5 years old, there’s big growth: kids get better at simple tasks like following two-step directions, taking turns in games, and controlling some impulses (like they might start to verbalize feelings rather than hitting). By the time they reach school age (6-7 years), many can sit and focus for a structured activity, follow classroom rules, and handle changes (like a substitute teacher or a new schedule) with some guidance. Executive function skills continue to develop through childhood and even into early adulthood, but the early childhood period (up to about age 8) is foundational​. It’s when you see huge strides in things like attention span, impulse control, and planning. Each child develops on their own timeline, so some 4-year-olds will have the self-control of a 6-year-old, while others might still struggle more – that can be normal variation. The key is the progression and growth over time.

My preschooler is very impulsive and can’t sit still. Should I be worried about ADHD or executive function issues?

It’s understandable to be concerned, but remember that preschoolers are naturally impulsive and active. It’s part of their normal development to test limits and have tons of energy. At 3 or 4 years old, many children struggle with sitting still for long or resisting impulses – their executive function skills are just in early stages of development. That said, there are some signs that might flag potential ADHD or executive function difficulties beyond typical toddler behavior. For example, if your child’s impulsivity and hyperactivity are so extreme that they can’t participate in preschool activities or they’re a danger to themselves (constantly climbing and jumping in unsafe ways, darting into streets, etc.), or if they never seem to focus even for a minute on something fun (like they can’t even sit through a short story or focus on a game they actually like), it could be worth discussing with a pediatrician. ADHD isn’t usually diagnosed until around age 6 or later, because before that age, a lot of those behaviors can be “normal.” Even at 5, kids have a hard time with self-control. However, if a preschool teacher or daycare provider notes that your child is much more impulsive or inattentive than other kids their age, that feedback can be valuable.

Before jumping to conclusions, you can also try some strategies: provide lots of physical activity (so they can expend energy), have clear and consistent routines (structure can help reduce chaos), and use positive reinforcement for small bits of self-control (“Hey, you waited your turn, great job!”). Over the next year or two, see if they make progress. Many kids who were wild at 3 calm down by 5 or 6 as their executive functions naturally improve, especially with supportive guidance. If not, or if it seriously impairs their learning or safety, then getting a professional evaluation makes sense. Early support can help regardless of a diagnosis. Remember, patience and practice are key – skills like sitting still and following rules take time to learn.

How can I tell if my child’s executive function skills are on track for their age?

It helps to observe what your child can do compared to general age expectations (keeping in mind every child is different). Here are a few guideposts:

• Toddlers (2-3 years): At this age, it’s normal for a child to be very impulsive and have a short attention span (a few minutes on one activity is fine). You’d expect them to maybe follow a one-step simple command (“Give me the ball”) but two steps might be too much. Tantrums happen because self-control is low. If your toddler can occasionally wait a bit (like wait for you to pour juice without screaming) or start to learn simple rules (“we walk inside” even if they need reminders), they’re doing okay.
• Preschool (4-5 years): You’d expect a 4-year-old to handle two-step instructions most of the time. They should be able to pay attention during a short story or a 5-10 minute craft, especially if interested (though they might still wiggle). Some ability to take turns and share should be emerging (not perfect, but improving). They might still blurt things out but can learn simple games with rules. If by 5, a child still can’t sit for even a short story time, or can’t follow any instructions without meltdown, that might be a bit behind. But if they’re in preschool and the teachers aren’t concerned, that’s a good sign.
• Early Elementary (6-7 years): By this age, kids typically can focus in a classroom setting for 15+ minutes, follow multi-step routines (like hang up your coat, then choose an activity, then clean up when a timer rings), and control impulses like keeping hands to themselves in line. They should be able to remember what they need for school (with some reminders) and start to organize their stuff a little. Emotional meltdowns should be less frequent than in preschool, though they still happen. If your 7-year-old is consistently way off – like always forgetting things, unable to complete tasks even with help, or extremely inflexible (e.g., any change in plan causes a big upset) – that could signal an executive function lag.
• Comparison to Peers: One of the best gauges is how they do relative to other kids their age in group settings (like preschool or playgroups). If they’re roughly in the mix – maybe a bit more active or a bit more shy, but generally can participate – they’re likely fine. If they stand out as the only one who “can’t keep it together” or follow along, then it’s worth paying attention to that.

Remember, on track doesn’t mean perfect. All kids have slip-ups and unique profiles (maybe your child is great at memory but not as good at self-control, or vice versa). Over time, you want to see improvement. If you’re ever unsure, you can talk to their teacher or pediatrician. They might have checklists or questionnaires that compare behaviors to age norms. There’s also nothing wrong with proactively teaching and practicing these skills (through play and routines as discussed) – that helps all kids, not just those who are behind.

What are some simple games or activities I can do at home to help my young child develop executive functions?

There are plenty of easy and fun activities you can do without any special equipment. Here are a few ideas:

• Freeze Dance: Play music and have a dance party, but when you pause the music, everyone has to FREEZE in place. This game is great for impulse control and listening (inhibitory control). Toddlers and preschoolers usually love it.
• Simon Says: The classic game where the child only does the action if you say “Simon says” first. (“Simon says touch your nose” – they do it. “Clap your hands” – if they clap without Simon says, oops!) This builds listening, attention, and self-control.
• Memory Card Game: You can use a commercial deck or even DIY by drawing pairs of shapes or using playing cards. Place cards face down and take turns flipping two to find matches. This improves working memory (remembering where things are) and attention to detail.
• Red Light, Green Light: One person is the “stoplight” (you) and the child runs on “green light” and stops on “red light.” It’s another good one for listening and self-control. You can get creative and add “yellow light” for slow motion (for cognitive flexibility).
• Storytelling Switch: Start a story and then take turns adding a sentence. For example, you say “Once upon a time there was a cat who loved to explore.” Child says something to continue, etc. This encourages working memory (remembering the story so far) and flexible thinking to build on whatever twist each person adds.
• Clean-up Sorting Race: As mentioned, make cleanup a game. “Let’s see how fast we can put only the cars in the bin! Ready, go!” After that, maybe “Now the blocks!” This is organizing and following a rule under a playful, timed condition.
• Follow the Leader: You do a series of simple actions (jump, clap, spin) and the child copies in order. Then let them be the leader too. Copying sequences helps memory and attention. Add goofy faces or sounds to make it silly.
• Puzzles and Building Blocks: These might not seem directly tied to executive function, but they are. Completing a puzzle requires planning, concentration, and sometimes flexible thinking (trying a piece, if it doesn’t fit, trying another). Building with blocks or Lego requires a bit of planning and patience (especially if you’re following a pattern or trying to make something specific).
• Cooking/Baking Together: For slightly older kids (4+), involve them in simple cooking tasks. Following a recipe is basically following instructions and measuring (working memory and planning). Of course, heavy supervision for safety, but even something like making a sandwich (“First we take bread, then spread peanut butter, etc.”) is a structured sequence.
• Hide and Seek with Objects: Hide a toy somewhere in one room and then give the child simple “hot and cold” hints or a basic clue (“It’s somewhere near something blue”). They have to remember what they’re looking for and use the clue, which is a fun way to use memory and problem-solving.

These are short, low-pressure games – the key is consistency and gradually increasing challenge. And always praise effort and make it fun, so your child doesn’t feel like it’s a test. They learn best when it feels like play!

How can I help my child who gets very upset with changes or when things don’t go as they want?

Helping a child who struggles with transitions or disappointments is very common – this is related to cognitive flexibility and emotional regulation. Here are some strategies:

• Give Warnings Before Transitions: If change is hard (like stopping play to come to dinner), try to give a heads-up. “In 5 minutes, we’ll need to clean up and eat.” Young kids often have no concept of minutes, but the warning helps them mentally prepare. You can use a timer or a visual cue (like a sand timer or an app that shows time). Give a 2-minute warning again, then a 1-minute. This predictability helps a lot.
• Use Routines and Rituals: When certain transitions happen every day, make a routine around them. For example, a bedtime routine that is the same order each night (bath, then pajamas, then two stories, then lullaby) can ease the nightly separation. Or a fun “goodbye” ritual when leaving daycare (like a special handshake or phrase you always say). Rituals give a sense of control and familiarity in what might be an uncomfortable moment for the child.
• Acknowledge Feelings: Let your child know you understand they’re upset. “I see you’re sad that we have to leave the park. I know, it’s so fun here.” Sometimes just feeling heard can reduce the intensity of their reaction, because part of the upset is trying to communicate their disappointment. Then, calmly explain the need for the change (briefly) and something to look forward to (“We have to go home for dinner now, but maybe we can play one more quick game before we go. Then at home, we can call Grandma – wouldn’t that be nice?”). Be careful with the “look forward to” part – don’t always promise a treat or something, just point out normal enjoyable things.
• Teach and Practice Coping Strategies: For a preschooler, teach them simple ways to calm down when upset. Deep breathing is great – blow out like blowing bubbles or birthday candles. Counting to 5. Even a little mantra like “It’s okay, I can handle this” (you’d be surprised, some 5-year-olds will say that to themselves if taught!). You can practice these when they’re not upset too, like role-play: “Let’s pretend your block tower fell and you feel mad. What can you do? Maybe take a deep breath?” Make it a game so when the real scenario hits, they have a tool.
• Read Books About Feelings and Flexibility: There are children’s books specifically about dealing with anger, disappointment, or changes. Reading those together in a calm moment can give you both a shared language or reference. Like, “Remember in the book how the character took a belly breath to calm down? Can we try that?” Some examples: “When Sophie Gets Angry–Really, Really Angry” by Molly Bang, or “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day” (to talk about bad days and feelings).
• Gradual Exposure to Small Changes: If your child melts down with any tiny change, you can try gently “exercising” that flexibility muscle. Introduce little changes in a safe context. Maybe arrange their bedtime stories in a different order, or use a silly voice, and see if they roll with it. Or swap seats at the dinner table one night as a fun change. If they ask, “Why are we doing this differently?” you can frame it positively: “Just to be flexible! Sometimes doing something a new way can be fun or okay too.” Praise them when they handle a change well (“You tried a different toothpaste flavor today and you didn’t fuss – that’s being flexible, good job!”).
• Stay Calm and Consistent: Young kids often look to parents for cues. If you stay calm during their storm, it helps them eventually calm. Acknowledge but don’t give in to unreasonable demands spawned by inflexibility (like if they demand to wear the same dirty shirt every day – you can empathize but still hold the limit that it needs washing). Over time, they learn that changes happen and they’re still safe, still loved, and things turn out okay.

It takes repetition, but kids do learn. Some are naturally more easygoing, others are more rigid – that can be temperament. But all can improve. If your child’s rigidity or meltdowns are extreme and nothing seems to help, consider talking to a pediatrician or child psychologist, as they can screen for things like anxiety or autism spectrum conditions which sometimes underlie extreme inflexibility. Often, though, patience and gradual practice yield progress.

Can a parent coach or executive function coach help even if my child is only in early elementary school?

Yes, a parent coach or executive function coach can absolutely help with younger children (early elementary and even preschool, though coaching a 4-year-old directly is rare – it’s usually via the parent). The idea is that these professionals can provide strategies tailored to your child’s needs and your family routines.

For instance, parent coaching (like the services New Frontiers offers) focuses on empowering you as the parent with tools and techniques. A parent coach might help you set up better routines at home, create visual charts, or learn how to use positive reinforcement effectively. They can also teach you how to build skills through play or daily activities (many things we discussed, a coach can guide you on implementing). If certain behaviors are challenging – say morning routine chaos – a parent coach can problem-solve that with you and come up with a plan (maybe a sticker chart, or changing the order of tasks, etc.). Essentially, they coach you to coach your child. This can be very effective because you are with your child every day, and small changes in how you interact or structure things can make a big difference.

For executive function coaching with a child, typically coaches work directly more with slightly older kids (usually late elementary, middle, high school) on skills like organization, planning homework, etc. However, with early elementary children (like 6-8 years old), some coaches will do more basic skills coaching – but often in tandem with the parent. The coach might work with the child on, say, learning to use a homework folder, or simple goal-setting like keeping their desk clean. But at that age, parental involvement is key, so a lot of it overlaps with parent coaching. The focus with younger children is to lay the foundations for a growth mindset, problem-solving, and help-seeking behaviors.

If your child is on the younger side and having executive function difficulties (or you just want to boost their skills), I would lean towards parent coaching as a first step. It could be a few sessions to get you on the right track. For example, at New Frontiers, we might help a parent design a behavior plan, or suggest specific games for the child, or ways to communicate that build skills. If the child is a bit older (3rd grade and up) and has specific challenges like keeping track of assignments or managing time, a coach could start teaching them some simple techniques (with lots of visuals and parent check-ins).

In summary, yes – you don’t have to wait until high school to seek help. Early support can actually prevent bigger issues later. Just make sure the professional you engage has experience with younger kids, because the approach is different than with teens. We focus more on habit-building, play, and parent partnership at that stage. And always check that any strategy aligns with your child’s developmental level (a good coach will know this). The result can be not only a more organized, self-regulated child, but also a calmer household for you!

Get in touch today to learn more about how we may be able to help!